Wanted: Philosopher

I started to dream of becoming a lawyer at the age of seven. I was in grade two and my mom wrote the name of my grandfather in a small envelope to be given to the church for "prayers for the dead." I was amazed with the combination of letters written before the first name of my grandfather - ATTY. It was then that I realized that I want to have that same title. Without knowing what lawyers actually do, I told myself that I'm going to be a great lawyer... and own hectares of land, luxurious house, luxurious car, and big bucks. I used to say "Gusto kong ipagtanggol ang mga naaapi" - as if I'm a sort of a superwoman. This statement remained, however, meaningless to me.

Years passed and I still had the same dream. I had a penchant for the architecture, but I never thought of becoming an architect. I knew back then that the want for something does not necessitate the pursuit of it, especially when the desire for a title (i.e. "atty.") was of higher importance. To cure the longing that I have for the arts, particularly for drawing, I took Drafting classes in high school. My classmates were those who were thinking of a career in the field of architecture, engineering, interior design, and fine arts. I, on the other hand, was thinking of a career in law. Drafting classes for me were just means to pursue a passion I thought would die down as the pursuit of title begins.

In my second year in high school, I began to fall in love with science. Because I was then taking Biology subject, I then thought of becoming a biologist who would specialize in Genetics. In third year, the love for Chemistry superseded the love for Biology. I then decided that I would study Chemical Engineering in college. This love that I had for science is simultaneous with my love for computers. Back then, I represented the school in different competitions concerning computers. What I love about computers is the fact that I could use them to express my passion for the multimedia arts. When the software Flash was still unknown to many (about 2000 / 2001), I used the same in creating movies, cartoons, and even presentations for school reports.

For some reasons I did not know though, I still wanted to become a lawyer. Hence, when I took the UPCAT in August of 2002, I made the following choice of campuses and courses - First choice of Campus: UPLB, Courses: BS Chemical Engineering, and BA Philosophy; Second Choice of Campus: UP Baguio, Courses: BS Biology, and BS Computer Science. Too bad the UPCAT was held in August when the school year had just begun. Had it been held some time in January, I would have considered BS Applied Physics because I also fell in love with Physics in my fourth year in high school. The UPCAT results were released in February. I made it to my first choice of campus, with the course BA Philosophy. "Great," I said. "I'm going to be a lawyer." But the only thing that I knew about Philosophy back then was that it is a good pre-law course, it being my cousin's pre-law course.

Then came college, the happiest stage in my student life. For the first few months, I considered Philosophy merely as a means to an end - a law degree. Then I realized its utility. But this sort of utility is not the same as what other courses would bring. Philosophy will not bring you money. It will try to answer your questions, but it will not provide certain answers to your queries. In most cases, the questions will be answered with more questions. The lack of apparent utility in Philosophy makes one think of its futility. Hence, the problem with the philosophy program not only in UPLB, but in other schools as well.

The reason why I loved or love so many disciplines might be because I love Philosophy even during the time when I did not know what Philosophy is. I love knowledge. I love learning. I love wisdom.

I am into the growth of the mind, and I never want to believe in something just because somebody or some authority tells me so. I know that this field does not guaranty a high-paying job someday, but it made me realize that there is a lot more to this world than the mundane joy that we experience. It made me realize that there is more to the study of law than mere statutory provisions; that there is more to lawyering than just obtaining title or monetary benefits. It made me realize the importance of critical thinking in every aspect of our lives. It made me realize that there is more to me than just being me - that I could be a better me.

The love for Philosophy does not necessitate being an armchair philosopher or armchair academician. Anyone may do philosophy. But then again, it will not give you money.    

pressure

The pressure is on.

And the source of pressure?

Facebook. Twitter. And other social networking sites out there. Many of us use these sites as our stage. We perform through our posts, status updates, or tweets, and do this to inform the world of one thing - we're worthy of being listened to. Thinking that our voice matters, we shout through these sites even though at times, our shouts are nothing but mere combination of words that don't mean a thing. There's the pressure of staging a nice performance by composing the best update ever. To not accede with the pressure is to say no to being cool.

This is the situation now. In the future, it could be worse. What was invented in the past to make us "us," or to make us an authenticated us, is now being used as a tool in justifying a world of masked people. With the stage where we could speak, we could show our audience what's on our mind. But in a distorted reality, we show the world that we have "something" by staging the best play one could ever stage. We show the world that the mind is full of interesting ideas by gathering highfalutin words in expressing a simple idea that's not really worthy of being talked about. If we can't device our own witty statements, we just quote someone from something to show the world that we know what this something that someone is talking about. We post links and click like buttons. We also make cheeky ripostes. For what reason? To be us? To be listened to? My guess is that it's for the love of this new world. We can't say no now to this kind of world social networking sites created. We are being pressured. The sad thing is, we are giving in to the pressure.

loyal

Let me take this opportunity to express my gratitude to the one who stayed with me through thick and thin - the one who never left me despite my efforts to dispatch him. He has been loyal to me for more than five years even though I had, still have, and probably will have, a simultaneous relationship with others. He is no longer as gorgeous as before, but he is the best I ever have.

My super Jurassic phone, Thank you!

Btw, do not be jealous with Corby [it usually runs out of load.]

Five years of unselfish yet often disregarded loyalty. Imagine that. Could a man beat that?

triangle

This post is about three points.

First, I changed this blog's template, which is probably indicative of want to change something about me (although I don't know exactly what that something is). The template which I used to have prior to this one, hereinafter called "old template," was a symbolism of redemption from some situation (thus, the flying bird). I had been using the old template since this blog's inception - that was sometime in 2007 when I was at a computer shop in Elbi and I discovered that I passed the entrance exam in Ateneo Law. Passing the exam was not the reason for creating this blog (it was not the redemption I was referring to), but hearing that news while I was creating this blog influenced the blog title a lot (just read the title and you'll understand). If you had read my previous posts, you know that I did not enroll in Ateneo. I instead entered the corporate world, resigned, and entered San Beda Law. Following these events is the filing of leave of absence from San Beda Law. These were the major events in my life following the inception of this blog, and were somehow told herein with the recurring theme of authenticating the being. Out on a whim, I changed the template. It has been three years. Unlike the old template, however, the new template symbolizes nothing. And I am not going to ascribe meaning to any image or color in the new template. As noted, this is just out on a whim.

Second, I felt the need to learn humility and patience, hence I demoted myself. From graduating from Elbi (UPLB) with honors to having a supervisory position as my first job to being *ehem* a dean's lister in law school, I am now working as a tutor to a seven-year old kid - a job which is usually given to undergraduate students. Not only that, the tutoring lasts only for an hour, so you could clearly imagine that the salary is way way less than the salary I used to have (or salary people of my age are receiving). Aside from the tutoring job, I accepted a Student Assistantship position in the same school where I am teaching. The salary rate? Just the same as the salary rate I used to have when I worked as a Student Assistant in college. What this means is that the salary rate of current Student Assistants in UP is considerably higher than my salary rate. Why am I doing these? To have a daily dose of humility and patience. For further explanation, see the next paragraph.

Third, it's hard to let go of the past especially when it is beautiful. It's hard to forget the achievements that you have especially when you worked hard to get them. If you would always look back and make reference to what you were able to obtain, you would always tend to say "I don't deserve this" and "I deserve something better." You would also tend to say "This is unfair!" and "This is humiliating" or "This is not at par with my achievements." Our past made us into what we are in the present, but that does not mean that the past make us. Being good once does not mean being good. This is the lesson that I understand theoretically but not essentially. If I would always look back, it would be difficult to live my future. If I am capable of not considering any barrier to maximizing my full potential, I should also be capable of taking positions, which seem to be denigrating but are in fact not. I am living in a place called Earth, a place which is no Utopia. This is a place where we couldn't always get what we want. This is a place where we have to fight in order to survive. This is a place where we have to fight harder in order to defend our noble intentions. Without humility and patience, one would just easily give up from the fight, no matter how noble his or her intentions are.

Now that I have made my three points, we can connect them all and make a triangle.        

(Quarter)Life Crisis

Years ago, I bought a book on Quarter Life Crisis (QLC), thinking that I am undergoing the same. Quarterlifecrisis.com defines the term as "a period of anxiety, uncertainty and inner turmoil that often accompanies the transition to adulthood." After having gullibly believed the books I've read suggesting that I am undergoing this "QLC," here's my new stance on this issue: It is futile to speak of Quarter Life Crisis. We are always in a crisis.

In this game we call life, there is only "crisis."

burdening hiatus

It's been quite a while since I made a post. One reason for this is my new blog, which is about anything that I can say or write about law and law school. The other reason is the lack of something to say (or maybe the lack of proper tools to decipher and express what's on the mind). True enough, not being preoccupied with a lot of works (i.e. being an unemployed-out-of-school person) could make one CONTEMPLATE about a lot of things. However, there is a downside to this status. I think my speaking and writing skills are slowly deteriorating. I speak English only when I am with the seven-year-old kid I am tutoring; and I write only when I blog. I stopped web content and academic writing (aka ghostwriting) for ethical reasons. I find it hard to defend that which I despise. So here I am again experiencing nothing, which is not really nothing because it bothers me. For another moment in my life, there is a nothing that slowly transforms into an everything. Both of these nothing and everything are not within the bounds of my understanding.

Maybe the nothing and the everything are identical. Maybe there is no distinction between them. Or maybe it is me who does not have the proper tool to understand the distinction.

Maybe it is me who is blind. Maybe it is me who does not see things. Or maybe it is me who sees things when there is nothing. Maybe the mundane that I despise does not exist. Maybe the mundane and the not-mundane are just the same. Or maybe it is me who has erred in understanding the apparent dinstinction.

Maybe there was no wrong. Maybe it is me who was wrong. Maybe there is no justice/injustice distinction after all. Or maybe... I don't know. There is a nothing, which is now becoming painful.

I chose the hiatus, hoping that this will be a short one, and further hoping that there will be a better start. Wrong judgments led me to an extended abeyance of a pursuit. I saw things others did not see. I thought making a weird decision will make these others see what I saw. Obviously, I was wrong. The hiatus is long. The others saw and happily see no wrong. Instead of me saying "See?!," it is the others saying "See?!!!" There is no better start for me. There is only a continuance.

The wrong. It exists not, unless empirically proven. When alleged, it will only become a legend.
And the pain. It is self-inflicted.

The Law School MacArthur